Tuesday, November 15, 2011

OF VAMPIRES AND PAPERS

I was up all last night watching ghosts. Not really but my friend Mrs L says there is no difference between ghouls and werewolves, or ghosts and vampires, so I got up at 11pm so I could head over to the cinema and watch the Twilight premier. There was a dress code. The theatre flyers were designed as invites and apparently, I never really read those details, we were supposed to wear black and white so the foyer was filled with made up girls wearing stilettos and mini cocktail dresses and sheepish looking boyfriends in black jeans with white shirts and russet ties. This is me in my pyjamas and keffiyeh (arafat-scarf) walking down a red carpet with cameras flashing - oh well.

Twilight is sort of my guilty bite of Godiva, the folks there wont likely appreciate me likening their brand to a bunch of books filled with "uhm ah Edward, *sigh, queue pause* I uh, dont think you should,*skip to scene of Bella lying in a field of daisies, back to Edward angry for only the 17000 and 3rd time* -oh wait there was a conversation happening somewhere here" well you get the drift, but here comes the truth I like Twilight *that is how the series is collectively referred to I hope* its the romance of it all and anyone who knows anything worth half a thebe about me eventually figures out that I'm a total sucker for a love story, typos, implausibility and too neat endings and all. Where did you grow up, of course the prince gets his pint of blood, I mean the girl is named Bella Swan as in Beautiful Long Pale Neck waiting to be done strange teethy things to. Of course I spent my time between midnight and 2am laughing at/with the row of gasping females clutching unimpressed teenage boys as-yet-to-bicep-arms while simultaneously swooning at the sight of Edward Cullen and the WolfBoy. If you are above the age of thirteen you probably shouldn't admit publicly that you like this series or better yet that you've ever even seen it, just go Jackie O- scarf and all and grab a DVD at your local rent-a -view. This next line is to appease the muse who is highly unimpressed that my mind can switch between Shakespeare and Stephenie Meyer without batting an eyelid. Context is everything.

Don't watch Twilight because you are looking for signs of mankind's superior intellect and the markers for the center of the earth, go because where else are you going to meet a bed breaking vegetarian vampire with a worldwide following who is also caught in a love triangle with his vocally clumsy girlfriend-then-wife and a furry sixpack whose mind he can read flanking his every move. Lord knows somewhere between CNN and the rest of real life a girl's gadda breathe. I'm not here to debate whether Meyer can write, all I know is she can spin a story long enough to keep you going 'not again, ok in the car everyone we are off to Predictaville and just as quickly though very briefly, go but wait who is that screaming through yonder window?!". Come on this is the stuff disbelief and smiles are made of.

I woke up with that well laughed feeling in my belly, after all I didn't spend my honeymoon on a private island with a dark haired voudon looking lady touching my swollen stomach and announcing "death". Best honeymoon I've ever been on. Wait I haven't been on any others yet but it has set a benchmark for ...interesting ways to get...does this blog have an age restriction? Stop frowning! I like weddings and the things they suddenly make socially acceptable.

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